UnYielded: Thriving No Matter What

My Baby is Blind? Resilience after a “Suckerpunch” - Kristin Smedley

September 30, 2020 Bobbi Kahler Season 1 Episode 9
UnYielded: Thriving No Matter What
My Baby is Blind? Resilience after a “Suckerpunch” - Kristin Smedley
Show Notes Transcript

Kristin Smedley had the perfect life with a great job, wonderful home, nice car, and then children. But just a few months into motherhood, a doctor explained that her baby boy was blind. She believed in that moment that all the dreams she had for him and for the family were gone. Listen to her story of bouncing back from a “sucker punch,” as she calls it, and leading her kids to live inspiring lives without limits.

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Show Notes for Kristin Smedley Interview

Contact Kristin Smedley
smedtalk@gmail.com

http://www.kristinsmedley.com
@KristinSmedley
 
Mentioned in this Episode

Mary Fran Bontempo (Kristin’s partner on Brilliantly Resilient) - https://maryfranbontempo.com/ 

Kristin’s Tedx Talk - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rdar-vklzeE&feature=youtu.be

Thriving Blind on Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/thrivingblind

Brilliantly Resilient http://brilliantlyresilient.net/

Kristin’s book, Thriving Blind: Stories of Real People Succeeding without Sight

The 15-Minute Master: How to Make Everything Better 15 Minutes at a Time by Mary Fran Bontempo

David Fajgenbaum, - https://chasingmycure.com/

Erik Weihenmayer - https://erikweihenmayer.com/

Hal Elrod -  https://halelrod.com/ 

 

Bobbi’s Takeaways from this Episode

I hope that you found Kristin's story inspiring and that you had some takeaways that you can implement in your own life. Here are some of my takeaways. 

1.       When we face a “sucker punch,” our first reaction, doesn't have to be our final reaction.

2.       Our perceptions don't change in an instant. We have to continue to challenge them. To me, this means that we have to form the habit of doing this, that so that it can become automatic.

3.       When stuck in fear instead of hiding from it or trying to avoid it, turn to learning your way through it, because the secret is you can't hide from it. It will find you.

4.       The power of role models that you can bring into your life to create a mindset of limitless possibilities. 

5.       That when we help others through their period of darkness, doubt or uncertainty, we are also helping ourselves as well, which to me is all about the power of serving others.

6.       That resetting your mindset is not a one-time event, where we get to spike the football and be done with it. It is a habit that we have to cultivate, and we do that over time. 

7.       If you can't find the silver lining in your challenge, then create one.

Again. These are just my takeaways. I'd love to hear from you what your takeaways were so that we can compare notes.

 
Full Transcript
UnYielded: Thriving No Matter What Podcast Introduction

Bobbi Kahler: Welcome to UnYielded:  Thriving No Matter What this podcast is for those who we're committed to thriving, no matter where they are on that journey. And I say journey because thriving is not about achievement. It is not a destination. It's about engagement. When we feel we are energized by our life. And we feel like, yeah, this is really me at my best.

[00:00:33] My name is Bobbi Kahler, and I'm your host. And I'm so excited to be on this journey with you. I mentioned that it's a journey and you might find yourself anywhere along that path. You may be starting out. You may be moving up within an organization. You might be an entrepreneur, a business owner, a salesperson, or self employed, or you may be that person who may just feel like there's, there's something calling to you and it's time for a change.

[00:01:00] But no matter where we are in that journey at any particular moment, it's important that we remain UnYielded, persistently pursuing our particular passion, whatever that might be. My mission is to provide stories that inspire us. So that when those moments of doubt darken our doorway, we will choose to persist.

[00:01:22] I will also provide practical skills, perspectives, and ideas that will help us create the habits of thriving and flourishing. This is about providing hope, knowledge, and assurance that we can all be more fulfilled and successful. If we choose. Let's get right into today's episode.

Introduction to Kristin Smedley

[00:01:50] I am so excited to have this guest on my show. She is a Ted Talk speaker. She's also the author of Thriving Blind. She's the cofounder of Brilliantly Resilient. I know that you're going to be inspired by her story of surviving what she calls, "one of life's sucker punches," and then how she picked herself back up and moved forward to make a difference and truly thrive.

[00:02:15] Her name is Kristin Smedley, and I can't wait for you to meet her.

Bobbi Kahler Interviews Kristin Smedley

[00:02:20] So, Hey, Kristin, welcome to the show. 

[00:02:22] Kristin Smedley: Hey, thanks so much for having me. I'm so excited to be able to chat with you more. I feel like we could chat like a chat all day. 

[00:02:30] Bobbi Kahler: I think for a few hours to a week would be pretty easy for us to do so.

[00:02:34] Kristin Smedley: Yeah, right. 

[00:02:34] Bobbi Kahler: Yeah. I appreciate you taking the time. Cause I know you're super busy. You got a lot going on. Uh, when I first heard your Ted talk and I was listening to your story, I thought, Oh my goodness, what a great person to have on the show to talk about some of this stuff. Cause. I think there's so much we can learn from your journey.

[00:02:51] So with that so much, I want to dive into, but would you start with kind of talking about that you call it the curve ball that you were thrown 20 years ago. 

[00:03:02] Kristin Smedley: Yeah. Yeah. I actually it's evolved now into sucker punches. I use that term now, and I think the world can relate to that one. Cause we're, aren't we all in the middle of that right now.

[00:03:13] Yeah. Um, so for the time leading up to 20 years ago, when the biggest, one of the biggest sucker punches hit me, you know, I don't know about you, but, um, I was always a planner. Like, I don't know if it's because I'm a Virgo, a recovering Catholic, I don't know, only girl in a family of a million boys. I just was such a planner.

[00:03:35] And, and, you know, I was one of those people that, that school came easy for me. Sports came easy for me and people always said to me, um, you know, you're gifted, you're talented, you're blessed. And, and they figured I would accomplish everything I ever set out to do. And I also like. Freakishly now as I meet bazillions of people, I don't meet a lot of people that can say from the time I was five, I knew exactly what I wanted to do.

[00:04:01] And that was to be a teacher. And I don't know why that. That was such an early calling and tug for me, but it probably over the years of being in school had a lot to do with the fact that school was my jam. You know, like I just excelled there and the social piece, the school sports, the skull last, this was really good there.

[00:04:21] I was very comfortable there. So I guess it makes sense that that's what I'm I felt tugged to do. And I planned everything right. You know, I followed the rules for the most part. You know, I was a teen at one point, but, um, 

[00:04:34] Bobbi Kahler: You can break rules as a teenager, right. 

[00:04:36] Kristin Smedley: Yeah. Right. Cause then like, where's the fun. So you think of your mom, like a few gray hairs, you know, I, um, I did everything.

[00:04:45] I went to the school in my town of Philly where, where you went to be a teacher, you know, and. It was it's like I graduated, I landed the job. I had the big wedding, got the McMansion house, you know, 20 years ago when those things came out, the SUV had just come out. I had a brand new shiny SUV, and I always say that I planned to be a teacher, but I dreamt to be a mom.

[00:05:10] Like that was a thing that I just, it just lit me up inside. Waiting to be a mom. And I, I know now all these years later, that that was pretty much because I have the most incredible role models in parents. And, and I just like, I couldn't wait till it was my turn to do all the same fun things and, and have, you know, a life even bigger and better than what they gave me and my brothers, my parents.

[00:05:37] So anyway, I, you know, my biggest dream that, that was finally coming true. Was to be a mom. And, and I remember, you know, I always say now that, that the girl I was 20 years ago would get on my last nerve now because it was so picture perfect, like pursue it, make the list the night before of all the goals for the next day, check them all off, you know, and, and blah, blah, blah.

[00:06:01] And there I was standing at my. Out front of my house where you'd walk out in the morning and everybody's sprinkler systems would come on to the perfect lawns and, and my shiny car and my shiny hair. And then I was holding my perfect little baby. Right. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, I, you know, it, everybody was right when you follow all the rules and you work hard and you, and you achieve, you know, you set goals and you achieve them.

[00:06:26] It's magnificent. And then at four months old, a doctor said to me, your son is blind. Wow. And I mean, to be for all the planners that are listening, you know, that wasn't in the plan, then what do you do? Right. If you're me, you crashed to the floor because I just, I had to that point had not had curve balls and sucker punches like that.

[00:06:52] My life was an absolutely free of obstacles, but everything had been in my control to that point. And, and that was so outside of anything I had ever planned on dreamt of thought about worried about like, it just was, it was way off, way off from anything I had ever thought I'd be involved in. 

[00:07:14] Bobbi Kahler: Yeah. So when you got that, I can't even imagine what that was like, first of all, how did you, how did you respond?

[00:07:22] Kristin Smedley: Um, horribly to be perfectly honest. Um, people look at me now and they think that I always just smiled and said, Oh, I'm sure this is part of God's ultimate plan. No, no. I was mad as hell is what I was. I was, I was so incredibly sad and angry all at the same time. And I remember when, um, when the doctor said that, and my first question was how blind, because too, and people that have carried a baby, I'm sure can understand when, when you're a dreamer and a planner. Like I am like to a ridiculous degree as, as my belly was growing with Michael. I had my hopes and dreams for him were growing and, and the poor kid, by the time, by the time I was, was going to the hospital to have him, I mean, I had him like, like on the pitcher's mound, you know, and, and, and throwing the winning touchdown.

[00:08:21] And, and when he was born, I remember looking at his little face and I was starting to envision like, Valedictorian and prom and the wedding and all that kind of stuff. You don't want this little, teeny, tiny person. So as this, doctor's talking about blindness and I'm saying to him, um, my second question was, is he going to play baseball?

[00:08:44] And the doctor looking at me like, no, and I was like, Oh my God, is he going to drive? No. And it was almost like a Hollywood film. All the scenes that I had thought of his life were going to be, it was like somebody just pulled the plug on the screen. It was gone. And I saw nothing, nothing ahead for him, darkness, literal darkness.

[00:09:08] Um, and, and, uh, I, I was, it was. It was just a really, really dark time for me to, you know, I often say that my memoir could honestly be titled, "Delirious Optimist," like delirious optimism. I'm not even glass half full. I am like that sucker's going to get refilled. We don't know where it's coming from, but don't you worry about it?

[00:09:36] Like delirious optimist, right? There was no. I mean, you know, and it didn't help the doctors. This is 20 years ago. It's a lot different now, but, but the doctor said, "I don't know what to tell you. Kristin. Good luck." So was it exactly, you know, in my defense, it wasn't exactly the beginning of a wonderful journey.

[00:09:54] Didn't start out very well. Um, and then I spent quite a few months praying it away. Like, you know, every single night praying that the next morning we would get the phone call that said, "Oh, we read the wrong record. You know, um, Oh, it's not that blindness. It's this other thing. And we can fix it. Oh, we've got glasses that can fix this."

[00:10:19] Oh, you know, I was waiting and praying it away. Like, like furiously, praying it away . 

[00:10:25] Bobbi Kahler: Didn't go away. And I know, I mean, listening to your Ted talk, I know that you had a real critical moment about when, what Michael was about three years old. 

[00:10:34] And it, I, that was when I was watching your Ted talk that when you talked about that moment, that moved me to tears.

[00:10:41] Can you share that? 

[00:10:43] Kristin Smedley: Yeah. Um, uh, I had. I had walked through. I grew up in a extremely faith-based home. I mean, my parents ran the youth group. I went all through Catholic school and like I said, I followed all the rules and, and then you, I gave it a few months of trying to pray blindness away, and then I walked away from faith, because my thing was, what kind of God does this? You know, this is just who does this. So I had walked away. And then by the time Michael was three and a half, um, I was very pregnant with my second baby. And till that point I had heard, you know, with CRB one LCA, which is what, the rare diseases that we have, um, the causes, the blindness with that rare disease, there's a 25% chance with each pregnancy.

[00:11:33] So. Hello, delirious optimists here, 75% that this is going to be okay. Right. We don't of course, but you know, we're the lucky ones. I'm the one that my dad always brought the scratch off lottery tickets too. Cause I always one something, you know, so I'm like, 75. I got this, you know, and then they said, um, it's, you know, that also translate as one in four pregnancies, which look, if you've got, if you happen to be in a class right now, that is a subject area that you don't care about, you might want to keep listening.

[00:12:03] Cause I didn't listen in bio class, you know, I was, I was writing rap songs that I wanted to do a duet with LL cool J right. And I was not paying attention a bio class and would have figured out and statistics classes. One in four, each pregnancy, Kristin, not like one out of four children, you know, like, so anyway, grace here that I was very, uh, hanging on to any dream I could possibly hang on to.

[00:12:28] So there I was, um, very pregnant with my second baby and all of a sudden that morning, um, the, the reality of, of the risk of the 25% of the one in four. Hit me like a ton, like a Mack truck. And I thought, wow. Oh my God, what was I thinking? And doctors were furious with me for wanting a second child.

[00:12:53] There was a lot of families in the LCA group that were not happy. I was having a second child. Um, And, and I thought, Oh my God, you know, if the second one is affected too, and that, you know, they say, there's those moments of bringing it to your knees? The only thing I could figure out to do that morning, cause I couldn't take another step forward off of my bed.

[00:13:14] I was so paralyzed in fear. And this is where I'm so happy. They did have a faith-based upbringing because it did bring me back, except I don't know that God's all that thrilled that I came back home that morning. Cause I came back at him like a Mack truck, you know? And I was like, well, wait a minute. I can't do this.

[00:13:34] You know that you cannot give me a second blind child.  I was pleading. I was screaming. I mean, I was doing it my head cause I could hear Michael. Um, the way that our, the upstairs of our house at that point was his bedroom was just down the hallway from mine. And I could hear him and I knew that he could hear me.

[00:13:49] So I wasn't screaming out loud. I was having a lovely episode in my head and, um, you know, I was doing this whole thing. Like, look. We've known each other 31 years. If anyone knows that I can't do this, you do. You know everything about me. I can't do this. And I'm like, this is mean, this is awful. You did it once and blah, blah, blah.

[00:14:10] So I go through this whole thing where I was so upset and scared and mad, I was mad as hell. And, um, and then I could hear Michael coming down the hallway and, um, you know, I always say, and people that know my Michael know this, he has never walked. He has this like, almost like a, when he was little, it was a skip.

[00:14:31] Now it's this little bounce. When you watch him, there's this little spring to every step he takes. And he came, bouncing and skipping into my room and, and he got, now, now mind you, this is also the one time that I was thankful he could not see me because I was in such an ugly cry with morning hair and I've got some insane morning hair.

[00:14:52] I was so happy. He couldn't see what I looked like. And, um, And he got right in front of my face about maybe 18 inches at the most. And he yelled, "Mommy, are you in here?" I looked up at the sky and I'm like, are you freaking kidding me with this? Like, it's not bad enough that I'm in the most torturous moment of my life here.

[00:15:12] And then you got to bring them in right in front of me and slam me in the face again that he can't see. And, uh, I said, Michael, yeah, mommy's right in front of you. What's matter. And he goes, "Mommy, isn't this the best day ever," with his signature smile. That, that, when I tell you the, my sound can light up a room just by smiling, it's just, and I looked at him and I'm like, I started to worry that maybe he had a, like, something else going on, that this kid is always happy, you know?

[00:15:43] And I'm like, why are you so happy? Like what? He's a mommy. I, the sun is up. And I have all of my toys and I am so happy and he bounced back singing, whistling, whatever too perfect day. But, and then it. I thought to myself that was Michael every single day, every single minute, every single he treated everybody.

[00:16:12] Like they were his best friend. Everything was amazing to him. If something, if there is an obstacle, he, he just figured everything out and it, and it occurred to me like, uh, like if Hollywood producers were there, they would have sent in lightening bolts on me. It occurred to me that he did not have a problem with blindness.

[00:16:32] Like at all, it didn't bother him at all. It didn't slow him down. It didn't get in his way. And, and it was, it was me. It was me that for three and a half years had held him back. I mean, he was happy as can be, to have this wonderful life, but what could it, what could it have been? I was holding him back.

[00:16:53] Desperately for the fact that because of I had from a blindness, I saw it as devastating. So of course I was devastated every day, but he didn't. 

[00:17:04] Bobbi Kahler: Right. I thought that was such a beautiful moment to where it was like, you know, you realize like, Hey, he's fine. He doesn't see himself as someone who's limited.

[00:17:13] You know? And I don't know if I read it on your website or one of your interviews where you're talking about helping them, or maybe they helped you see they don't have limitations. 

[00:17:24] Kristin Smedley: No, they don't. I mean, they, they, um, they have shown me more about my role in their life as, as a mom, what a mom should be, what a mom is supposed to be.

[00:17:38] Um, and even for me, in my own life, the stuff that I do now, I, I never would have, have had the courage and the faith in myself and the not worrying about obstacles. Had I, uh, had I not known my voice. I know that I wouldn't, cause I know who I was 20 years ago. And it versus who I am now. Um, and I'm not going to say that I will never say that that lightning bolt moment and change in perception changed everything at all times for me, because there were many a day that I sunk back into the blindness sucks pit.

[00:18:11] Um, because there are times when it does just suck, but you know what, it also, my daughter and I talk about, you know, sometimes being a girl in this world sucks and sometimes, you know, having curly hair at the beach sucks. I mean, like there's a lot of things to do. Yeah. There's just never, I mean, yes, of course there's going to be days and it was little things.

[00:18:30] Well, it's little things to me now, but you know, uh, Anyone that's been a mom that has put their, their little kiddo on the kindergarten bus and the bus pulls away and they're all waving. Right. But my son couldn't see me waving. Those were the kinds of things. It still hurts my heart, but. You know, those are those little, those little things, but, you know, and I always have to then revisit that as soon as I feel myself, like right now, slipping into that, couldn't see me waving.

[00:18:59] And he, and he can't see me when he's Michael now is this incredible musician performer. And he cannot see me when he's on the stage. So proud of him. Interestingly enough, I did write a blog one time that people just thought it was the most hilarious story about how my boys. They know every single time when I'm in the crowd, it turns out apparently I have a bizarrely loud, obnoxious laugh that they can pick out from 10,000 people laughing.

[00:19:29] They know when I'm in the room and they know exactly where I'm sitting. That's funny. I think it's true though. 

[00:19:36] Bobbi Kahler: You know, they know, so, 

[00:19:38] Kristin Smedley: wow. Yeah. And it was also that perception of what here. Here's the biggest thing that I learned. And it actually just occurred to me in very recent months. And this past year, you know, I was talking about being a mom, what I realize now and what I want everybody that's raising kids to realize is that that moment of my dreams being extinguished from my future ahead with Michael was actually, I believe that was God's message to me saying, Kristin, it's not about you. It is not about your dreams for him. Stop it. He's here with his own dreams and you, and I think that, and we do it out of so much love for our kids. Don't we, that, that we put so much. Hopes and dreams and expectations on them. Cause we want a better life for them than we had.

[00:20:30] We want all the opportunity for them that we didn't have. We see their gifts and talents and we see where they should go with them or so we think, and we want to push them that way because we have our dreams for them. And I really believe in watching all of the people I know and raising three teens, myself, that that's where the majority of the problems in a family in a, in a kid's heart and their soul.

[00:20:53] That's where they stem from that they're under the weight of our hopes and dreams for them. And they don't get to just live out their own stuff. Even though we know they're going to screw half of it up, we don't let them just go mad. And that's part of the process. It's, it's a huge part of it. That's another blindness, a blessing from blindness because my boys tried and failed so much early in their life that they're not afraid of anything. They will figure things out. They know obstacles are coming. I mean, they're like wise beyond their years, simply because they've had all the practice early on. Right. And they handle college. They can handle crazy kids at the school. They can handle pressure that other kids can't simply because they always had that practice.

[00:21:37] So, you know, unpacking it. There are a lot of, there are a lot of perks. Um, But, uh, and I never consider blindness of blessing. I don't consider it anything. It's just, um, it's like that message in the mess kind of thing. And I was a mess and had to keep looking for what was I needing to learn to get out of it and to look at it differently.

[00:21:59] And then what could we pull out of that and move forward in a whole different way? Right? 

[00:22:05] Bobbi Kahler: Part of what I love about that, Kristin, is that it shows that your first reaction doesn't have to be like your final reaction. 

[00:22:11] Kristin Smedley: You know how, 

[00:22:13] Bobbi Kahler: you know, because over time it can change. And a lot of times I think we get stuck with that first initial reaction.

[00:22:19] And then you said something right there where, you know, what do you have to learn? Because I think in one of your interviews, you said something like you feel the most stuck in fear and maybe grief when you don't know the way forward. So when you're in those moments, what do you do? 

[00:22:34] Kristin Smedley: Yeah, well, that's what I realized.

[00:22:36] I was so scared of blindness because I knew nothing about it at all. And I don't operate that way. I mean, I, I started joking that I'm not a procrastinator, I'm a researcher and just need more information. And so we can make a decision. Yeah, my mother will shake her head and say newbie. She used to call me pro-Kristin-ation because I'm such a procrastinator.

[00:22:56] Oh 

[00:22:56] Bobbi Kahler: my goodness. 

[00:22:57] Kristin Smedley: But, um, I, um, yeah, I, I didn't know anything about blindness, so of course I was scared to death and it's the same thing. When I went through a divorce, I was scared to death about financial stuff and stuff that I had avoided my whole life, um, and then had to get to know it. But, um, I, you know, they say, if you face your fear, if you step into the fire and I was always like, no, that's too hard.

[00:23:24] What I know now is when you avoid it, like I did for three years with blindness avoiding that fear and avoiding getting to know the tools like braille and the white cane that were - oh my God - it was like jab, jab, jab to my heart. With the braille and the white cane, it was just too much for me. Um, but when I got to know those tools after that, that amazing best day ever from Michael, then I thought, Oh, why would I wait so long?

[00:23:50] These were the tools of literacy and independence. Those are the two main tools that a blind person use it to be in the, in the sighted world with, with hardly any issues other than maybe an inconvenience or two. So I needed to know. Those tools and, and, um, I, you know, if it was only blindness, then, then I don't know that I would have such conviction about face, the fear, learn the things you need to learn about it, get educated, and that's how you move through.

[00:24:19] Um, I've done it so many times now with, with, Oh, the sucker punches that just keep coming my way. And, um, but it was every single time. 

[00:24:29] Bobbi Kahler: That's right. Yeah. Just surrounding yourself with people who maybe they've found that way forward, or they've learned what I need to learn. I'm always looking for those people.

[00:24:37] Cause I'm always thinking, what can I possibly learn, you know, and be inspired by which, um, I think that if I have this right, you introduced Michael, was it Michael to, um, Eric, the blind mountain climber. 

[00:24:52] Kristin Smedley: Yeah. Yeah. That's the other thing, you know, people will say to me, Oh my gosh, you're an amazing mom that you've guided him.

[00:24:59] For 20 years and look what he's done. And I, you know, I'm a mom, of course, I'm going to guide him. Right. That's what we do. But I actually give credit to Michael meeting Erik Weihenmayer when Michael was just six years old, and this is the power of role models. And, and being with meeting somebody that's, that's walking your walk.

[00:25:21] Michael at six years old. And he was a tiny little guy for his age to meet Erik Weihenmayer, who was the first blind man to summit Everest and had just come off of Everest. He has since gone on to do all seven summits of the world, kayak the grand Canyon, and he went blind in his teenage years. It's a, it's a, one of the greatest books you could ever read.

[00:25:39] His, his story touched the top of the world, um, because he struggled so badly with it. And then when he surrendered, then his life just opened up amazing. But you know, from my Michael. At six years old when we were in the midst of the school, fighting the school that he was in, because they only expected him to achieve at 70% of everybody else.

[00:25:58] So they weren't giving him all of the support that he needed. Cause they didn't think any blind kid could really do much. We were in the midst of all of that, of these people putting on him, all these limits. Right. And in our, I mean, think about everybody listening to this, I'm sure in your mind thinks what can blind people really do?

[00:26:16] Cause I was there, but anyway, so this guy comes off Everest he's blind, just like you. So there's my little Michael meeting, somebody blind, just like him. Michael was a wrestler. Erik was a wrestler. They had so many similarities. And in Michael's little mind then possibility just that his brain blew, wide open for the possibilities of his life.

[00:26:37] Because he met somebody that was doing something that no sighted person that was putting a limit on him could ever imagine doing themselves. And he has yet to meet any sighted person that has climbed Everest, let alone all seven summits. So for him, you know, at six years old, he meets this person that opens that up for him.

[00:26:57] And every year I had him meet somebody like Erik, that was, that was doing something so outside of what you would think of blind person was doing so that he constantly had that limitless, possibility mindset. And that is what I believe. I believe in it so much that that was the game changer for Michael, that I put all those people in a book last year, so that other families would have the same access to those folks and raise their kids with the same limitless mindset.

[00:27:25] Bobbi Kahler: Yeah. I, I think that the, uh, the purpose behind the book is so great because I think that having those role models it's essential. You know, I used to live in Chicago and I lived in Chicago during the nineties when Michael Jordan, you know, I was playing, it was so amazing. Um, and then I've watched his retirement.

[00:27:44] I know it was his Hall of Fame acceptance speech. And he said something like fears, like limitations, are often an illusion. And I think that's why, you know, to challenge those limitations that either are put on us or sometimes we put those on ourselves. 

[00:27:59] Oh yeah. I think, I think especially, I think that was the hardest part of I'm almost at the end of my forties here.

[00:28:05] I think that was the hardest part of my forties is. The limits that I, I did put on myself of what I really could do and what I was supposed to do and what I was here for and all of that and breaking free of that is absolutely phenomenal. 

[00:28:18] Yeah. And with that, I think it's a great segue way to the book and also what you're doing now.

[00:28:23] Um, cause I know you have some exciting things going on. So tell us a little bit about that. 

[00:28:29] Kristin Smedley: Yeah. So, like I said, I put together Thriving Blind: Stories of Real People Succeeding without Sight last year, simply to, um, I always say it was the, it was the book. I wish somebody handed me 20 years ago on diagnosis day because my journey would have started a lot different.

[00:28:44] Would have ended the same, I don't know, but it would have had an accelerator on it. It would have been different. And with, so I wrote that simply for, um, it is literally when you read it, it is directed to a mom that just got the diagnosis and is crying on her couch. There it is. I mean, I'm a third, I'm a third grade teacher at heart.

[00:29:02] So there is no highlight, well words in it. And my one, my editor, yeah. There was a, my sixth grade English teacher. And, um, she actually sent me after the first chapter I sent her, she sent me back an email and she said, Kristin, I don't believe that I get to be a part part of this incredible project, but she goes, you still write, like you talk, we have a lot of work to do, which she wanted to make sure I said to her, here's who I'm talking to in this book.

[00:29:27] And I realize it's not gonna resonate with them Jordy of the world, but I need this mom that got that diagnosis. So she helped me keep that voice in it. And then I had a. A second editor right before publishing, take another look at it. And she was, um, my oldest son's gifted teacher and she didn't like it.

[00:29:44] And she wanted a whole change in the tone because she said, Kristin, there's too much Kristin, and too much Philly in it. And I said perfect because I want people to hear my voice in the way I talk when they're sitting there on the couch, reading this, because that's the way that they're going to understand that it's like a heart to heart.

[00:30:03] Kind of thing that I've been there. I don't want something fancy that, that the New York Times is looking for that wasn't the goal of this book and it, and it has resonated incredibly well. And then, you know, I was getting, I was getting all kinds of calls to speak at all these conferences of like teachers of the visually impaired and all these, um, blindness related organizations and rare disease and all that, I may have been all over the place. I was even in Canada last year, which was phenomenal. Right. But I'll never forget right before the coronavirus shut everything down. My last speech was my, my dream stage as a mom raising blind children, because I got to speak at the Texas school for the blind and visually impaired, who's like, the guru, if you have a child that is blind to go to for information. And I always joke that their poor IT people when I first got the diagnosis, cause I was constantly on their website trying to find information like it was constant. I was probably crashing their server for five years, but, um, so it like came full circle and I got to be the keynote at that, at that, um, huge conference in Texas, down in Houston.

[00:31:12] But I do recall, like I. I thought it was the greatest opportunity in the world. I was so proud of myself and my family and all. But I said to a lot of the staff is they were all excited and they gave me a standing ovation. And, you know, hundreds of people are in this giant ballroom, but I said to the people that ran it, I'm like, you know, I'm so excited for the opportunity, but this room should be packed with parents because the teachers, a lot of them get it. I need the parents to get it because they're the ones that are gonna drive this kid, you know, to, to reach their full greatness.

[00:31:43] And if they don't get it there, that kid is going to miss out on some level. So, interestingly enough then a week later, the whole world shuts down. Right. So right. Um, we start scrambling for I'm like, well, there go speaking gigs. That's my, that's my number one income. And there goes all my gigs for probably two years.

[00:32:00] Right. Um, no one was putting their virtual conferences together yet at that point. So then a friend of mine, I'm going to mix two stories here. I'm going to put Thriving Blind on pause for a second. Cause that's what I had to do is pause. And then a friend of mine that I met two years ago in a mastermind for women entrepreneurs, because I run a nonprofit and switched gears a few years ago and started running it like an entrepreneur to make more headway quicker in the rare disease space.

[00:32:27] Um, we had met. And then we were on a podcast with two other entrepreneur women. And then, um, her and I just got to talking right around Christmas, I think maybe at one of the Christmas parties this year. And we started talking about how we just have similar. Of the four women that were on this podcast, me and Mary Fran just had like massive stuff happened in our lives and bounce back.

[00:32:50] And everyone always says to us, God, you guys are happy. Like we did. We have fun in a cardboard box with it's helpful if they're champagne, but if there's no champagne, we can still do it. You know, 

[00:33:01] Bobbi Kahler: It's still manageable. 

[00:33:03] Kristin Smedley: Yeah, it's manageable. We just have a good time. And it always were talking about, you know, well, things are kind of relative, you know, when you go through the stuff that we've gone through, um, and me not just blindness a ton of stuff, then things become relative.

[00:33:16] You know, what are you really are really going to sweat the small stuff of the fact that you and another chick are in the same dress like me, I'm like take a selfie. This is amazing. If we're in the same dress, where is everybody else having a heart attack over that, you know, But, um, so we talked about, you know, the, the we've had similar paths, and then we realized that, um, in terms of being resilient, faith was a big tool in our tool box.

[00:33:37] And of course, Fran always says, you know, we'll swear like a sailor, no one would realize how much God and faith are in our lives. Right. Our poor pastors, you know, but, um, But anyways, so then we got together and decided to put on this event, right at the same, I like came home from Houston and Mary Fran. And I put on this first ever Brilliantly Resilient program in our hometown here, just outside Philly, too.

[00:34:00] Like it was a half day and, and, you know, standing ovations and people dancing in the aisles and it was the greatest thing they had seen. And we were so excited. This thing comes to fruition about how to reset after a sucker punch and then rise and uncover your skills and talents to take your life in a new direction.

[00:34:17] And it was just unbelievable. And we had the whole thing planned. We were going to go around the town of Philly and then I actually have the file saved on my computer as the Brilliantly Resilient world tour. Like we were taken over the world, but we were saving everybody. And then the world shuts down.

[00:34:35] Right. So now I've got Thriving blind is taking off. And Brilliantly Resilient is taking off and the world shuts down and, and all of my income everything. And I thought you have got to be kidding me. Right. So, um, I called Mary Fran about four days into the, um, quarantine. And I was like, we still I'm like, if, if ever someone needed to people needed to know what we know about resetting your mindset and getting back up.

[00:35:06] It's now. And it's like every cause people were calling me. I mean the crying and the people with businesses and Kristen, what do I do? I'm like, now's the time because everyone I know needs to know what I know. And I can't possibly be on the phone with them all day, every day. So we, we decided to just turn on our computers and do a Facebook live show every single day and invited people in my network, her network friends, um, to be on it.

[00:35:33] And it has evolved. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, I keep saying to Mary Fran, this was supposed to help other people and this show has gotten me through the pit of coronavirus. I mean, there were days I was crying in my car outside Costco was afraid to go in. I was afraid to bring something home to me, kids I've got an insane ex-husband that was waiting for one little mistake.

[00:35:58] I mean, it was just like, and I have my kids full time. I was, I was a mess, but every day we would talk to somebody about resetting your mindset, uncovering your brilliance, you know, and being resilient. And every single day, it kept me out of sinking back down into that pit of fear, anxiety, upset, uncontrollable, you know, um, and it has been, it's been a game changer in my life.

[00:36:24] We get messages, someone sent us a message the other day and said that their aunt watches our show every single day. And, and that woman believes that, um, we saved her aunt's life. Because she was in despair over businesses and all this stuff with, with coronavirus shutting down her life. And now she's looking at it differently and coming out from under all of that, because she watched a show every, I mean, that can Mary Fran  and I are like, I mean, I didn't have listeners, they can't see me.

[00:36:52] I'm in my Eagles, trucker hat. Like there's nothing fancy happening here. You know, I have a decent light bulb from Amazon. That's about all I got. And, um, it's just about. Telling people that our stories and other people's stories and tools, strategies being silly, you know, um, has gotten everybody through it.

[00:37:12] So, um, yeah, it's been pretty extraordinary. 

[00:37:16] Bobbi Kahler: Well, and I think Kristin too, what I love about that is it started with that desire to help desire, to help and serve others. And then I think when we're operating from that mindset, we also get helped and served, you know, in return. And I think that's a great illustration of it.

[00:37:30] Kristin Smedley: Yeah. And I'm happy you pointed that out because that's what I didn't really was. I was so sulking over all the book orders that I was going to have from, you know, I was starting to do, um, uh, school visits and getting all these kids and families to order my book. And I was, and I was so bent out of shape again.

[00:37:47] Right? Good old Kristin never learns there. I am sitting there kicking the wall about the fact that, you know, I'm looking up at God, like, are you kidding me? I was finally on this path. I've figured out how to get the book out to more people and all this income I'm going to come in. And as the alimony and child support is disappearing, this was supposed to replenish it.

[00:38:04] Like, what are you doing to me here? You don't you shut down the world, like, are you kidding me with this? Right. And then, um, all of a sudden, I know, it's because of, of working on thinking about resilience and, and, you know, Mary Fran, and I say, um, we take people from you make the choice. You want to be broken or brilliant.

[00:38:22] And every single day I've had to make that choice of myself. When I, you know, want to go down into the pit of another custody trial coming up, or, you know, when I'm looking at my finances and we need an air conditioner and I'm like, Oh my gosh, you always have that choice. If you want to spend your day broken ,or do something that makes you feel brilliant. And, um, and then it hit me. Not even two weeks ago. Um, I spend my mornings with, we have two rescue dogs that are crazy. I have no business raising dogs because I don't know what I'm doing. So they're, they're running my life and it's hilarious. But, um, I do spend every morning with them for an hour on, they have this giant bed, they live like kings in my kitchen.

[00:39:02] That's where I do. I do the Miracle Morning. I don't know if you know that from Hal Elrod was, um, Just like some spiritual stuff reading before I ever get on social media or email or anything. And, um, and it just, it just popped into my head clear as day. And I grabbed my laptop and planned out this whole thing.

[00:39:20] Cause all I kept thinking was I said, the last thing I said, an event for Thriving Blind was this really should be a room full of parents. How do I get to those parents now? And it hit me to start a, um, an online mastermind and I'm calling it a mastermind if you know, the whole mastermind theory. And that's what these parents need is it's a six week, you know, through a six module kind of thing of where I see the six ways.

[00:39:48] That I, the six areas I've focused on to raise my boys to accomplish this stuff that they've accomplished. And, um, and that's what we're gonna, we'll build it on. And I sent out this little wait-list thing saying, Hey, this is coming soon. Um, if you're interested and want to get on a specific email list for it, so when I have the info, I'll send it to you guys first. And it just started blowing up with people signing up. For this thing and, and I couldn't believe it. And then, or all sharing it everywhere. And that I was getting messages from people saying . One of my friends, sent me a message the other day, she's got somebody in the United Kingdom and she's like, is this can people from outside the country join us?

[00:40:26] Cause I know somebody that needs it. And I thought, wow. Oh my gosh. Like, and then I was sitting there for like one second. I'm like, Kristin, what's the matter with you? Why didn't you think of this sooner? Like target audience, you goofball. And I'm like, all right, back up, give yourself. Give yourself a break here.

[00:40:41] Bobbi Kahler: And just give yourself a little bit of grace once in a while, right?

[00:40:43] Kristin Smedley: Yeah. Right, right. Aren't we our own worst critics in our head. Yeah. So now that's, that's coming out and that is one of those things that I am not worried about at all. I'm not second guessing anything on it because it is what I was destined to do. I have 20 years experience with these kids. My boys could not be more different.

[00:41:06] Uh, so I always say to my, I always say when, when they drive me crazy that they're so different and you can't plan, you know, for you think that Michael going through something, Mitch is going to come through and have the same tools and resources. No, you have to rethink the whole thing. Cause he's different.

[00:41:20] And I'm like, well, you guys give me street cred. You give me a ton of street cred that I can handle blind kids because you have made me rethink everything, you know? Yeah. So, so how about that? It's like coming and it's all back to, you know, I knew my whole life I wanted to be a teacher. That's what I was called to do.

[00:41:39] And that's how I am approaching every single thing. Just teaching people what I know, teaching people, what I know. 

[00:41:46] Bobbi Kahler: Yeah, and I love that. Cause it, it connects back to your purpose, your calling, but also what I love is two things that I love is the exercising, your choice. Right. And it's hard. I mean, I've been through some stuff, you know, and it's hard sometimes to make those choices and it's not like you get to make the choice once and you're done.

[00:42:04] Like. Ooh, I'm enlightened. It's consistently making the choice and also just having the courage to just start, right. Even if you don't know all the next steps, just take the next one or two that you know of. And then just, I always say jump into the water and, you know, hopefully you can swim, but just jump in and see what happens.

[00:42:26] You know, you'll learn something at the very least. 

[00:42:29] Kristin Smedley: I love both of those things that you just pointed out because yeah, I think I was always of the mindset and I think a lot of your listeners probably are too that you figure something out. Right. And then, and when you're done, you know, like, okay, I made the choice, I'm going to be brilliant, not broken.

[00:42:43] Okay. You know, through this and, and, and then the next day it's like, are you kidding me? That's kind of where I think a lot of us were for, at at least the beginning and middle of this quarantine, like, okay. In the beginning I was like, alright, We got two weeks here at home and pictures of my kids walking, the dogs, I'm posted on Facebook.

[00:43:05] Like, look at this extra time. I get with them by the end of two weeks. I'm like, what in the hell? What is happening here? What are we getting back out there? I got things to do. I've got an income I got to bring in, you know, and then it was like, okay, this is going to be a marathon, not a sprint. Okay. You reset your mind again.

[00:43:20] I'm going to, we're going to have game night every night. I'm gonna do this, you know, Another month and they say again, there's going to be another month. Oh, okay. I'm going to paint the bathroom. I'm going to paint the office. And then I was like, freaking out again that, you know, you don't, like you said, it's it's, you have to so many times there's those stretches of you have to do it sometimes every day, sometimes multiple times in a day.

[00:43:45] It's exhausting. And I think that that's important to, for people to honor about this journey, that there are those times when it's every single day, you have to keep resetting your mind. And my, my friend, Mary Fran, I do Brilliantly Resilient with, she actually wrote a book called 15-Minute Master because when she found out on Mother's Day, that her son, um, was, was, uh, fighting for his life in the emergency room.

[00:44:08] He had a heroin addiction that she didn't know about and he was, they were like bringing him back to life. Um, She says, you have to actually in, in crisis some crisis, you have to break it down to 15 minutes. You have to rewire every 15 minutes. Like, and that is exhausting. And I have learned that about myself in the past year or so with this horrific divorce that I'm in, when it's, when you're depleted, and you have nothing left, you have to rest because trying to do that whole muscle up power through, I got this until I feel better. I stopped feeling I didn't get to the now I feel better. I was more and more exhausted and frustrated and making bad decisions. So I do take a break and fully rest step out for a minute and then come back at it the next morning.

[00:44:57] Bobbi Kahler: Yeah, I think that you have to, you have to somehow figure out how to be in the self care. Right. Cause if we don't ourselves and I learned this one, the hard way, we can't care for anyone else. So I love everything that you're doing. If people want to get in touch with you or learn more and I'll put this in the notes as well, but how can they reach out to you or learn more about what you're up to.

[00:45:19] Kristin Smedley: Uh, the two biggest spots are Kristinsmedley.com and I'm Kristin with an I N all of us. I N's in EN's have this thing with each other, like, don't spell the name wrong, but, um, it's Kristinsmedley.com. You'll find everything I do. They're my nonprofit, the book, Brilliantly Resilient is there. And then to look at all of the stuff we have coming out for, for resilience.

[00:45:41] Um, go to brilliantlyresilient.net, and there's a Facebook group associated with that, that you can get the show every day and, and whatnot. And my Thriving Blind has a Facebook page, but those two websites, you can find everything I do. 

[00:45:54] Bobbi Kahler: That's perfect. Any, any final parting thoughts before we, uh, before we wrap up?

[00:46:02] Kristin Smedley: You know, I, I would just say this, um, you know, blindness that, that not many people are dealing with something that big, but so I don't want people to walk away thinking, man, that, that chick's had a hard life, but, you know, my stuff, isn't that hard. Your challenge is whatever, you know, a big challenge is big to, you might not be something that I consider something big that you're going through.

[00:46:22] And some people can sail through divorce. Not me. I was like, it was dragging you along, you know, but, um, it's whatever. Whatever your challenge is, is your challenge. And I can, I can guarantee you that if you can step back and, and stop looking at at your challenge, your obstacle, the way you've been looking at it, if you're stuck in it and just can't figure out how to get out around her, through that, if you step back and try to find some other way to look at it.

[00:46:50] Um, a friend of mine, David Fajgenbaum says, if you can't find a silver lining in that challenge, create one. And that's a first step to moving on, um, and dealing with it and eventually overcoming it.

[00:47:03] Bobbi Kahler: Yeah, I love that. That's a perfect way to end, you know, so Kristin, thank you so much for your time. Good luck with everything.

[00:47:11] Um, this has just been a real pleasure getting to know you a little bit more. 

[00:47:15] Kristin Smedley: Oh, well, thanks so much for having me. Thanks for the work you do. Getting these messages out in the world. It really changes a lot of lives. 

[00:47:21] Bobbi Kahler: That's what I'm hoping.

Bobbi Kahler's Takeaways from the Kristin Smedley Interview

[00:47:23] I hope that you found Kristin's story inspiring and that you had some takeaways that you can implement in your own life.

[00:47:30] Here are some of my takeaways. One, when we face a sucker punch, our first reaction, doesn't have to be our final reaction.

[00:47:40] Two, our perceptions don't change in an instant. We have to continue to challenge them. To me, this means that we have to form the habit of doing this, that so that it can become automatic.

[00:47:55] Three, when stuck in fear instead of hiding from it or trying to avoid it, turn to learning your way through it, because the secret is you can't hide from it. It will find you.

[00:48:07] Four, the power of role models that you can bring into your life to create a mindset of limitless possibilities. 

[00:48:17] Five that when we help others through their period of darkness, doubt or uncertainty, we are also helping ourselves as well, which to me is all about the power of serving others.

[00:48:30] Six, that resetting your mindset is not a one-time event, where we get to spike the football and be done with it. It is a habit that we have to cultivate, and we do that over time. 

[00:48:43] And finally, number seven, if you can't find the silver lining in your challenge, then create one.

[00:48:53] Again. These are just my takeaways. I'd love to hear from you what your takeaways were so that we can compare notes. If you found this podcast helpful, please consider subscribing as well as leaving a five star review below. Also, if you know someone who could benefit from the podcast and the message that we are spreading, please tell them about it.

[00:49:14] Again, this has been the UnYielded podcast. And I believe that thriving isn't a destination. It is a process, an evolution where we are continuing to expand who we are. It's how we grow into who we were meant to be and how we become our very best selves. I believe that each of us were created for a purpose because the world needs our unique gifts and strengths and talents.

[00:49:40] My life's work is to change the world for the better one life at a time. I hope that you'll help me do that by sharing the word.